Next – A Tritina

They say nothing ever truly dies,

But that’s an expression too distant to console me right now.

Instead, I will let my memories carry me.

 

But who will be there to catch me

when my heart breaks and dies?

It might not be able to cope with the pain right now.

 

I might not be able to cope with the pain right now.

I pray for the day when you can return to me

and we can pretend nothing truly dies.

 

No one truly dies, and now you will always belong to me.

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About Donna-Louise Bishop

I'm a writer, freelance reporter, creative writing tutor, and blogger, living in the beautiful county of Norfolk UK. In my spare time I am also a wife, a mother to three boys, and a human washing machine.
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8 Responses to Next – A Tritina

  1. Christine says:

    Good job taking on a new poetry form, and in such a short time!

  2. Great job choosing such versatile words, but still keeping your piece on track. The repetition worked really well. And I loved the last line – I’d be really interested in future pieces that focused on that idea.

    • Donna-Louise Bishop says:

      Aw thanks! That was very generous feedback. I liked the theme too. But I worry it sounded too repetitive in an annoying way – Hehe. Looking forward to trying it again in the future.

  3. So melancholy and yet hopeful. I didn’t mind the repetition it worked, though I did trip up over the two lines that were identical. I thought I misread at first. My favorite sound in your poem was the heart dies line

  4. saroful says:

    Hot tip about picking your own words for a tritina: try to use one that is both a noun and a verb to give yourself a little more wiggle room in your writing. It’s also hard to use “me” in a poem without ending up sounding like you’re an adolescent, and I can see you struggling to get around that here. Like everyone else, I think the repetition adds a much-needed internal rhythm to the poem.

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