Water and Wine

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The rain looked different in the city tonight and yet the only thing which had changed was us.

The last time we visited we drank our happiness by the bottle and embraced the dizziness which came with too much Merlot. Now we just sipped at water like reserved teenagers at their first school dance.

“Can we start again?” you whispered, eyes focused on the spilt grains of salt you played with on the table top.

“I think it’s too late for that.”

“That’s your answer for everything. We could try though?”

“I was trying. I never stopped trying.”

“Okay.”

Okay.

“I mean, I could try,” his eyes locked onto mine and demanded that he got his own way.

I wanted to throw my water at his face, let the ice cubes sting at his skin like miniature jellyfish, watch as the rest of the people in the restaurant pointed and chuckled behind their napkins. I wanted to scream until the glasses we drank out of cracked and smashed, shout until I had nothing left to say, and then move on from whatever we had become.

“I never stopped loving you, y’know?” he tried to reach for my hand but it was too far away.

“I never stopped loving you either,” he smiled at me. “But it didn’t make me go and fuck someone else.”

“There’s nothing I can do to fix this, is there?”

“No. There’s not.”

He thought – we both thought – that a weekend back here would resolve things. It would be an escape, a fresh start, a time to wipe the slate clean. All it did was make me hate him even more.

I didn’t stop him when he walked outside and into the rain.


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About Donna-Louise Bishop

I'm a writer, freelance reporter, creative writing tutor, and blogger, living in the beautiful county of Norfolk UK. In my spare time I am also a wife, a mother to three boys, and a human washing machine.
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17 Responses to Water and Wine

  1. d3athlily says:

    It’s always so sad to watch the breakdown of a relationship, especially when it was because of cheating, but for most people, that is a deal breaker. I have to admit, in the middle I was lost with who speaking. I would have loved a little more action through those lines of dialogue to show the scene a bit more.

    • Donna-Louise Bishop says:

      Thanks for the feedback Mel. I also questioned that myself but thought I would trust the reader (something I am working on really hard at the moment to do) and see what happened. It’s definitely a fine balance to nail it!

      Your comments are super helpful, thank you.

  2. Gemma Venn says:

    The rainy backdrop is perfect for your relationship breakdown. It reminds me of the tears that will flow/have been cried. The writing is clean with intensity. I enjoyed reading your work.

    • Donna-Louise Bishop says:

      Hi Gemma. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my work. Yes, I agree about the rain. It’s such an atmospheric background for so many situations. Thanks again!

  3. anusrini20 says:

    I really liked the rain as a setting for this uncomfortable conversation!

    I think if I don’t read carefully, the dialogues could get somewhat confusing.

    • Donna-Louise Bishop says:

      Thanks for your feedback. I’ve had another comment saying much the same so I will defo need to have a play around with this after voting! Thanks for taking the time to read and feedback.

  4. Sara says:

    Relationships hurt and still we build them.Your writing brought the setting and the characters in front of my eyes.

  5. My heart broke for your characters at the end. I think we always want a happy ending, but that’s not always the case.

    I read what others wrote about the dialogue and I see where they are coming from, but I didn’t find myself confused. I think the simplicity of the dialogue feels very real. Great job!

  6. Michelle Hanley says:

    I liked the immediacy of this moment, and the way you hinted at enough of the past to let me see a bigger story just behind the words.

  7. innatejames says:

    I like what your story says about the beverage choices we make depending on the occasion. I’d never thought of it before, but there are very finite lines. The dialogue at the point of accusation was confusing. I wasn’t sure who cheated on whom. Also, there are a few uses of the word “which” at the beginning that should be “that.”

    • Donna-Louise Bishop says:

      Thanks for taking the time to read and feedback Nate.

      You’ve also managed to pick up on an error I am constantly making recently! Will remind myself of the correct use again in the morning 🙂

  8. Laura says:

    The setting with the rain and the water glasses is perfect. I think it switches POV, though, and the dialogue tag “he smiled” made me question who was cheating on who, but it was easy to figure out – their roles in this failing relationship are clear. Her emotional arc from the happy memory of Merlot to deciding she hates him is well executed.

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